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Category Archives: My Life

August 5, 2010
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Ugh. I am exhausted and have been all week. It’s like my body has forgotten how to sleep or something. Aside from my overall grumpy demeanor with people, today I realized that I have black bags under my eyes – and that when I did my make-up this morning, I only did the bottom half of my face. Yes, I forgot to do the top half of my face. Duh me. I had taken off tomorrow and Monday from work so maybe my body will actually go to sleep and let me get some rest. I’m sure people would like a non-grumpy Jenn. Of course, the one good thing is really, I’m not as timid and my brain doesn’t fully connect to my mouth. The other morning someone asked me what to do with a mail crate at their desk and I turned around and told them to use it as a booster seat. I don’t do that stuff at work. Yes, I am sarcastic but I leave that for outside work. It’s probably better if I stay away from people until I get some sleep.

I’ve seen all the episodes of The IT Crowd now. And I want more. I ♥ this show. Seriously. When I watched the first episode, I thought it was going to suck but I kept watching and it was awesome. It really makes me want to embrace my inner geek and just jump into computers headfirst. Oh who am I kidding, you know I’m going to do it. Of course, I’m not going to ruin my black and white effect going on in my new bedroom but I have the entire family room to decorate and I’m thinking that my Star Trek: 2009 movie poster is going to look good out there. Hmm…and video games. *nods* Where was I though? Oh right, the TV show. Seriously, the show is funny. I really wish that I could know those two guys. Well, I don’t know because while I think they’re cool, I have this difficultly talking to the male species. I always have so much to say, then I get faced to a member of the male species and my brain goes blank and I make a complete ass of myself. Why? What is is about someone with XY chromosomes that makes my mind stop working?

Alright, I should work on some penpal letters and some e-mails before class tonight. Get stuff caught up and I can even watch an episodes of The IT Crowd again or find something else to watch.

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Sales are my downfall

July 10, 2010
sales-are-my-downfall

My goal today was to get up early and get done the icky chores that I hate; clean the bathroom, empty the litter boxes, fold clean clothes; well, if 11 is early, then I managed to get up early. LOL. Yeah, I overslept by about three hours. I did manage to clean the bathroom before getting my shower but I decided that since I cleaned the bathroom, my brother could do the litter boxes. Such a sweet sister, I know. After that, mom and I were going to take my laptop to Best Buy since it needs to go in for a boo boo but I got distracted. By a sale at the Tommy Hilfiger outlet. Laptop is still here at home while I now have a new sweat shirt, t-shirt, hat, wallet, purse, and scarf. Yeah, so got distracted. Sometimes I’m such a girl and the words sale brings it out. I did check the sale out at the Calvin Kline outlet too but I didn’t see anything that I liked so I skipped that. I managed to stay out of Brooks Brothers, Lane Bryant and Polo Ralph Lauren’s outlets since they were having sales but we did go into the Bath and Body Works outlet. Only spent $10 in there – go Jenn! After that it was off to Giant for some food and now I am here at home. Where the joys of a science paper and two computer projects await me to get finished today.

Steve brought my old laptop up to the new house and I brought my desktop up with me so I’m not going to be completely computerless, just minus my precious computer that I adore. I decided I’m going to send it back to HP since Best Buy only let me take my iPod back once before they said that the warranty was done. Or maybe I will take it to Best Buy – I’m not actually sure yet. I’m a bit…undecided.

Alright – off to the land of homework which means I’ll be distracted and floating around online.

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la la

July 3, 2010
la-la

So last week I managed to lock myself out front on the porch and had to ring the doorbell to get let back in. Today when I took the recycling to the trash and also the trash down, I remembered to not only take my keys but also to unlock the bottom lock. Well, tonight I was even stupider. I went out in the garage to look for my knitting looms – and managed to lock myself in the garage…in the dark. Yeah. I had to knock on the door until my mom came to let me in the house. Umm…duh? I think the Sun-In is starting to turn my brain blond. Must stop using it.

Tonight I got to play WOW with my dad. YAY! I enjoyed that. Usually no one plays with me. It was nice questing with someone. I am really happy that he played with me. He had to take a break so that’s why I was out in the garage. Now I’m going to go back into WOW and also watch the NASCAR race – go Tony! Yes, I’m back to loving Tony. He’s just so yummy.

I managed to keep some chicken down today. Thank goodness. Because I was seriously getting hungry. Not having eaten much since Wednesday was getting old. And this morning, every time I tried to make toast in the new toaster I managed to burn it. It was actually comical. The first two slices came out black. The next two came out dark brown. Eight slices later, I actually have toast that I could eat. It’s going to take me a little getting used to the toaster.

David asked me if I wanted to go to a Phillie’s game on Friday night. I haven’t been to a Phillie’s game since he took me back in 2001. I said yes; I can drive out to Harrisburg for the weekend after the game. He’s going to have to let me know how much the tickets are but this should be fun. We haven’t spent time together in years and I do miss my best friend. I figure I’ll see if he still like hockey and if he does, I’ll have him come up and take him to a Bear’s game.

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Icky

July 2, 2010
icky

Well, I just finished filling out my postcards for postcrossing.com. Now all I need to do is put stamps on them and then I can walk them out to the mailbox before I go to bed. Tonight is an early night compared to my normal Friday nights but I’m just getting over the bout of food poisoning that I came down with on Wednesday night and my body just…sucks. Yeah. I think that’s the best way to explain how I feel. It aches everywhere and eating is still somewhat of a challenge. Wednesday night I didn’t sleep at all; just napped for an hour at a time then woke up vomiting until about six. Then I had to wake up at seven to call work and tell them I wasn’t coming in. I managed to fall asleep until nine when I decided to go downstairs and lie on the couch and watch TV while sipping on my Gatorade. Yeah, that worked well. I’d watch for about ten minutes then fall asleep for twenty minutes then wake up for another ten minutes of TV before falling back asleep. That went on until about eleven when I finally fell asleep till about two. That was a nice nap in regards to sleep but it was an odd angle and so I woke up with a kink in my neck. Still have said kink and could really go with a neck massage right now but that isn’t going to happen. Anyways, I napped off and on for the rest of the afternoon/evening. All I did was watch DVDs of ‘Saved by the Bell’ since I really didn’t feel like contending with whatever TV had to offer. I finally went to bed about nine and slept the entire night through. Got up this morning and went to work though I really don’t think I was human until about eleven and then only barely. I probably should have just called out sick and stayed home but that would have made sense. Especially since I haven’t really eaten since Wednesday night and with my sugar problem, that’s not good. I did have four total pieces of dry toast yesterday and about twelve saltines along with two bottles of Gatorade. Today I managed two pieces of bread, ten saltines and a small container of brown rice. Yeah. The only thing food poisoning has going for it is it’s a great way to lose weight though I seriously wouldn’t recommend it. If the dry heaving isn’t enough, it’s not really a healthy way of losing weight. Alright, time to go put clean clothes away and the books that I just got. Yay for spy novels.

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Yes, I’ve turned into a chew toy.

June 28, 2010
yes-ive-turned-into-a-chew-toy

Getting chewed on by a seven month old…well, it started out where I couldn’t stop laughing (yes, apparently I’m ticklish even on my fingers) and then when he started chomping down on my finger, it hurt. I didn’t expect it to hurt more then when my cat chews on my hand but apparently Madi doesn’t bite as hard as Nathan does. It was okay, he is teething and he kept throwing his toys on the floor so my finger was probably the cleanest thing around for him to chew on. Aside from chewing on my finger, he is still trying to undress me and he loved either yanking on my hair (and now he’s chewing on that too) or sticking his fingers on my lower lip and pulling it and attempting to chew on that. Actually, I apparently taste good because he was trying to chew on anything he could. You know, it’s kind of sad that a seven month old is the…you know what, I think I’ll keep that thought to myself. Tired Jenn almost equals writing whatever comes to mind Jenn. Wow, you want to know something; anything no matter how personal; all you need to do is ask me when I’m tired. Dinner was good though. I had fun with Gretchen and with Nathan. Glad that I decided to go out. See, Jenn can be social.

Last night I didn’t get much sleep. I think it was because I had way to much caffeine late in the day. All I know if by the time I fell asleep, I got maybe four hours of sleep. I thought I was going to fall asleep waiting for Gretchen at Corner Bakery Cafe but I didn’t. Got my second wind playing with the cuddle bug and so I came home to play some WOW. I haven’t done much tonight; just collecting herbs and trying to level my skinning score; and that’s really all I’m going to do. Tomorrow night when I get home from work (no going out for Jenn unless she stops at Target to pick up some more cool recycled notebooks) I’m going to do my message board posts for school, finish the really difficult (not) Excel assignment, and then play WOW for the night. I figure it’s probably a better idea to play when I’m not half falling asleep. I have decided though that I need to make some friends on WOW. It gets kind of lonely playing by yourself. And it is an MMORPG so you would think I would have friends. With having so many low characters, I could always just switch servers and make a new character (I’m on Rexxar btw) or I could just play on Dark Iron and bug my dad. But I don’t like PVP plus (I always get killed) plus I’m a member of his guild and it’s always felt a little weird playing with people I know from when he worked with them. That’s just me though. And last time I played with him, he asked me if I needed help and when I said no I was having fun just killing things, he was like oookkkaaayyy. Yeah, not good.

Alright, I think this is where I get off and go to sleep. I’m tired tonight and playing WOW isn’t going to wake me up. Apparently neither is trying to program a template for myfamiliesgenealogy.net either. Damn.

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Two in one day

June 26, 2010
two-in-one-day

So, in attempting to be a nice daughter today and taking out not only the trash for my mother but also watering her plants, I managed to lock myself out of the house. Apparently you have to a) remember to take your house keys with you if you go out the front door or b) make sure that you unlock the bottom lock. Otherwise you have to ring the doorbell and deal with your mother laughing at you for a good ten minutes. That’s what I get for trying to be nice. Add onto that the fact that I managed to glue myself to the fabric of the headband I was trying to make and my mom got some really good laughs tonight. I’m glad that I could be comic relief. Now I’m waiting for my wash to finish so I can fold it. And while I’m doing that, I’m playing WoW.

What else did I do today besides lock myself out of the house? Well, we did venture to Wal-Mart (as I mentioned earlier) where I found two shirts that I had to buy. One is gray with Snoppy on it that reading a book that says “I ♥ Nerds” and then a blue Tinker Bell shirt that gives the definition of Flirt. I also spent some time working on re-learning HTML and learning XHTML to work on my website. Nothing fancy and I haven’t gotten tons done on it but I did start. No, I did not tackle the layout for my family genealogy site – I’m scared of that. I also mailed three pen pal things, wrote a couple e-mails, started another letter to Katie, and almost finished a whole headband. Oh and I ordered my mom her books from bn.com because MyPoints was giving back 12 points for every dollar spent at bn this weekend. And I had to show her how to use the laptop fan for her laptop that came yesterday. I wanted to clean the bathroom because Mr. Clean himself (my brother) is a bigger slob then I am and our bathroom is a mess but I didn’t get that far. I’m thinking of making him do it since it is his mess but he’s got at least six inches on me and can be pretty brutal. Doesn’t matter if I’m the oldest, he’s the tallest.

The headbands are not as easy as I thought they would be. It’s really hard to get the glue to stick with the fabric. And thank God my mom is understanding because I got glue all over her placemats. At least it wasn’t her new dining room table. I think I would have died if I’d done that. She just said we’ll get new placemats the next time we’re out if we can’t get the glue out. My plan to make all eight this weekend is not going to happen; I don’t want to start them and not finish them. I’m almost done one and have to figure out the second one. The others I am going to look for double sided tape and see if that works a bit better then the fabric glue. Or do they sell little glue strips? Because they would work too.

Alright, guess I’m going back to WOW. It’s a bit quiet here tonight and maybe I’ll find someone to talk to on there.

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In which I actually do something resembling a post

June 25, 2010

You know, I keep saying that I’m going to come and write on this blog; especially since I’ve said that I need to write more; and then, I forget. I’ve been thinking of maybe stapling a sticky note to my hand to remind myself but that would hurt and would also produce some blood. Then I thought about writing it on the back of my hand but with the pens that I use, I’d probably wind up engraving it on the back of my hand and there’d be bloodage there too. What I’m thinking of doing is signing up for NaBloPoMo and then putting a reminder in my phone so that I actually have to come on here and write. That actually might be for the best.

Of course, remembering has gotten difficult. Since I went off the Welbutrian two months ago my ADD has become ten times worse (yeah trying to concentrate on any one thing has become impossible) but my OCD has gotten better and I’m a lot less timid then I was. So yeah, things are better off of it then on it. This does mean that I’ve got like ninety different projects started but nothing finished. There are three random web sites, a knitted scarf (that’ll probably take me nine years to finish), a knitted washcloth (which if I can force myself to focus on should take an afternoon), two Civilization IV games, a new WOW character, this journal, a short story, my homework, and unpacking books. Now I’ve decided that instead of trying to find cool headbands I’m going to try making my own. This should be interesting as I get these crazy ideas to try and do something on my own yet they always wind up falling apart. The woman at Joanne’s was really nice tonight though and helped me find cheap, bright pink, plastic headbands in the $1 bin that I can now cover in the fun fabrics that I found. Note to self – make sure the glue dries before you put them in your hair. Ohhh…and I have a ton of pen pal letters to do too (yes Katie, Dem, Steffi, and Erini that means yours too).

I want to sit down and write out the list of places that I really, really want to visit. Because even if I have to go by myself, I’m going. This past week I was seriously thinking of finding a boat and stowing away to England. It was just one of those weeks. Actually, it’s been two months. I’m giving it till the end of summer before I do what I’m thinking but that’s it if it doesn’t get any better.

Alright, I think it’s time to go be more of a geek, put on my glasses and work on the code for one of my websites.

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A meme taken from my livejournal

February 18, 2010

1. If you’re on my friends list, here’s a list of 35 things. If you’re up for it, and short and sweet is fine.

2. Comment here with your answers and repost the questionnaire on your own journal (if you want)…

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? I’m not in a serious relationship or any relationship for that matter.

02) What was your dream growing up? I had a lot of dreams growing up and I still have a lot of dreams.

03) What talent do you wish you had? I wish I could read peoples minds.

04) If I bought you a drink what would it be? Diet Raspberry Iced Tea. :)

05) Favorite vegetable? Broccoli

06) What was the last book you read? What book did I last finish or what three am I currently reading? :) I’m reading Bleeding Heart Square, Vampire Dacry’s Desire and Mansfield Park. The last book that I finished was…errr…damn it. I just packed it in a box. You’d think I could remember what it was.

07) What zodiac sign are you? Leo

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? My ears are pierced but I rarely wear earrings.

09) Worst Habit? Umm…saying sorry for everything even if I had nothing to do it. I just cannot help but say sorry. For everything. For things that didn’t even happen.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? If I know you yes. I’m not up for picking up strangers. :)

11) What is your favorite sport? Ice Hockey

12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? I think I’m a bit of both. On most matters I’m an Optimist but when it comes to matters of the heart, I’m a pessimist.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? After I finished hyperventilating for being stuck in something held up by strings, I’d ask if you wanted to play a game.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? Until I stopped to weigh my life, I would have said when I lost all my friends but now I know it’s when my great-grandmother died. I never got to tell her exactly how much she meant to me and how thankful I was for everything she had done for me and taught me. Aside from my problems (and face it, who doesn’t have problems) she is largely responsible for the person I’ve become.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you. Hmmm…you want one? I like things in pairs. When I chew gum, I have to have two pairs. I cannot leave just one piece in the package. Okay…you’re getting two. I also have to eat all of one thing before I move onto something else on my plate. Literally I will finish all the french fries before I eat the chicken nuggets. If I’m eating a bag of snack mix, I have to put it in tiny bags otherwise I will pick out all of one thing before eating anything else in the bag…

16) Do you have any pets? Yes. I have cats.

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? Well, I’d ask that you call and see what house I’m at first…wouldn’t want you showing up at the house where I’m not.

18) What was your first impression of me? You’re kind, caring and a sweetheart.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? After reading It, they’re scary. Not seeing it because Tim Curry wasn’t that scary but after reading it…

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? I just want to be pretty.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? LOL. Well, I’d probably be a little bit of both. I’d be telling you how wrong it was to be doing what we’re doing as we’re doing it.

22) What color eyes do you have? Brown

23) Ever been arrested? Nope. I’m a goody goody. Someone please save me.

24) Bottle or can soda? I always liked the bottle of soda – I need the lid. Otherwise it’d be everywhere. But I’m trying to cut out soda again. I did good for a whole year and fell off the wagon for Diet Orange Soda but I’m going to go back on the wagon.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? Pay off my credit cards, invest some and put the rest towards my student loans.

26) What’s your favorite place to hang out at? At home…and if I am out, Barnes and Nobles. There are so many pretty books. *pets books*

27) Do you believe in ghosts? Yes.

28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Sit on the computer because I can read, write, watch tv, play games, talk to friends…

29) Do you swear a lot? It depends. When I’m driving yes otherwise I try not too.

30) Biggest pet peeve? People who are fake.

31) In one word, how would you describe yourself? Enigmatic

32) Do you appreciate romance? Yes I do appreciate romance. I need some.

33) Favorite and least favorite food? My favorite food is peanut butter. :) My least favorite food is Kiwi only because it can kill me.

34) Do you believe in God? Yes

35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? I already did. :)

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Livejournal

January 31, 2010

I’ve started to get a bit introspective of myself over on livejournal. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but I’m thinking that it’s a good thing. For the first time in a long while, I’ve wanted to write. It’s nothing special; no poetry or fiction or fanfiction; but it’s writing. I’m putting feeling to words and creating things. Every day for the past week I’ve written at least once. And it’s nice. And yes, I’m sharing what I’ve been writing with other people. Of course, it’s been in a locked environment because let’s face it, I’m being brutally honest about myself and I’m…kind of going with the raw, here’s what I’m feeling type of stuff. It is a journal after all. LOL. And I got an e-mail from NaBloPoMo about writing every day in February. And I might. Here. I plan on writing over at lj but I just don’t think I’m ready to share all the rawness here. At least over on lj I can lock it down and decide who gets to read it. Here – it’s all out there in the open. That’s not to say I’m not willing to share here. I am. And I will share a bit. But none of the over bearing oh my gosh pull out a tissue type of crap I have over there. Because I get hugs over there. Well, virtual hugs but they’re hugs. And I like my virtual hugs. LOL. And I’m not trying to get out of sharing. Seriously. I can provide a sample of what I’ve written over there. I just won’t share all of it.

from livejournal:

I might be the girl who lives in jeans, cotton shirts and sneakers but I’m happiest that way. I may be the girl who doesn’t wear make-up or take the time to fuss over my hair but that’s not me. I might be the girl who’s overweight but only I can control that and as I learn to, it makes me even happier. I may be the girl who has so many social anxieties that she hides from people but there are some people out there willing to be my friend. I might be the girl who would rather read a history book or learn to program a computer. I may be the girl who enjoys staying home and reading, watching television or playing a computer game. I might be the girl who doesn’t like parties or bars or drinking. I may be the girl who’s 27 and never been kissed. I might be the girl who has a few close friends and that’s it. There is nothing wrong with me. I don’t fit into the role that society keeps trying to push me into. I’m different and unique and I’m me. Someone told me the other day that she was so happy and amazed at the fact that I could care less what people think of me; that I just continue being me. I told her that that’s not true, that I’m constantly worrying about what people say about me and what people think about me. She told me you’d never know it by meeting me and that if I really am worrying about it, I should just let it go. She said it was refreshing to meet someone who wasn’t fake and who didn’t find the need to be a size 2 blond haired girl who only cared about fashion, hair styles and who they would be sleeping with that night.

So I guess I’m offering myself up there. I want friends and I want to connect with people. Would you be willing to give me a chance?

—–

He also asked me why I think I have so much trouble talking to said person and I said, well, I can be talking with the person and I’ll be carrying an entire conversation in my head critiquing what is going on and I’ll psych myself out. He laughed and said he knew there was 1 in a million people who could carry on a conversation with someone while having one with themselves in their head and somehow I would be the 1 person he met. I told him I don’t hear voices and he said no, you just have an extreme inner self that has too much control. I asked for a lobotomy but he said that wouldn’t make me happy.

—–

I figured if they were going to forget about me, I was going to do it first. Classic example of someone who’s been hurt over and over by various types of rejection I guess. All I know is, I pushed; or tried to push; everyone away. And I kept spiraling down. It wasn’t ugly; in fact most of it was internal; but I was spiraling down. And eventually, it did start spilling out into the outside too. It only took four months for me to reach the bottom of wherever I was going. It reached a point where all I did was lash out at everyone. I hated everyone. It didn’t matter who you were, I hated you and I could find things to really hate you about. And then I started to hate myself which, I guess if I was going to hate everyone, hating myself should fall into there too. I knew it had gotten bad though when I started thinking I’m never going to meet anyone’s expectations and no one is ever going to love so why even bother living.

—–

Yeah…I think my mind is just tired of keeping everything inside…and I’m allowing it to finally vent. Whoever thought I wasn’t messed up was wrong. I’m human. All humans have feelings. And insecurities. And panic attacks. And low moments. But the great thing about being human is? We can pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off.

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I swear…I’m not cheating…much

January 26, 2010

I’ve been neglecting this website. It wasn’t intentional and it’s not that I’m cheating on this website with Facebook because I really haven’t been over there either. But I am cheating. On the website since there’s no one in my life that I can cheat on. LOL. Actually, how do you cheat on a website? I mean, it’s not like the website is sitting here waiting for me to come on every day and work on it or write on it. Seriously. This domain and blog are not sitting here wondering where I am every day. Neither is TheGrrlGeek which just to clarify is not the website I’m cheating on this one with. Nope, I’m neglecting that website too. Though I do plan on doing a little coding tonight. No – I am cheating on these websites and Facebook with livejournal. Yes, I have found my way back to the place that I swore I would never go back too. Not because it was evil but because it can be so addicting. But you know what, it’s so easy to make friends there. I’ve only been *back* on my journal over there since Sunday but I’ve already made a handful of new friends. They’re nice. :) And seeing as I have so much trouble making friends in person, I’ll take talking to the people online over not talking to anyone but a handful of people. Why is it I can talk to people that I can see; have a conversation with them; but in person, I cannot? It just doesn’t make sense. There is this person that I want to talk to; they’d be interesting to talk to because I think they’re really smart and funny and yet every time they are around, my brain goes stupid. How is it that a brain can go stupid when a person is around? Can anyone explain that too me? And how do you make it stop? Do you know what would make it easier? If I could just talk through e-mail all the time. For some reason, I can talk through e-mail. I regress. I just wanted to tell this website that I wasn’t neglecting it on purpose, I’ve just been making some new friends over on livejournal. As a side note, if you happen to wonder over on livejournal, look me up. I am TheGrrlGeek – TheGrrlGeek. I know, original. :) Oh…and the first link is different from the second link. LOL. As I said, I’m original. I’m also found at TheGrrlGeek over on Facebook. And as I just glanced at the corner of the dashboard here, that’s my nickname here too.

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